Like always, I sit on my train and keep myself busy - always a staunch observer of train etiquette, I ensure I have something to do, mind my own business, and hope others will do the same. However, today like many other days, I'm forced to check my judgments, prejudices, and ethics as I am startled out of my day dreaming.
A black figure looms directly next to me. At first I do not see it fully, but out of the corner of my eye I can tell this is no ordinary passenger. I see a thin black hand next to a black form and I panic. Shit, am I seeing spirits? Why is it black? Damn, I'm gonna need a limpiesa. Where are my guardians, don't they know of the dangers on the subway especially for a Iyawocita??? OK, calm down. Damn, it's a Dementor! No wait, that's from Harry Potter...my mind continues to race, my heart is pounding, and an overwhelming feeling of deep sadness or a void begins to fill my chest. I'm only 10 minutes into my 55 minute ride.
Wait, I'm strong and I can take anything. So, without thinking twice, I look directly at the figure and realize it's not a specter or figment of my over-active imagination, but rather a woman covered in a black burqua, from head to toe completely draped in black.
I'm not one to judge others and I try to educate myself before giving an opinion on things I don't fully understand. Of course I am aware of this custom among some Islamic factions and I'm well aware of the controversy that surrounds many Islamic (and really, most non-Western) cultures. I know that some women fully embrace this tradition and that it is also severely imposed on many others in some countries. The sight of her stirs so many feelings within me; she has no idea the impact she's had on me. Sitting next to her, watching her read the subway map, trying to find her stop, and then almost missing her step as she went up the stairs in the station deeply moved me almost to tears. I don't know if I was picking up on anything or if these feelings are a consequence of the stark difference between her all-black garb and my all-white attire, but I felt a deep sadness overcome me. I felt a deep isolation as I tried to picture what it would be like to see the world through a dark veil. Isolated or protected or imprisoned? I'm not sure which one it is and again, these are just my feelings and my own reactions to seeing her. I wanted to reach out and protect her although not sure from what. Maybe the world? Maybe herself?You have to understand that as someone who has worn white for almost 1 year, seeing a woman draped completely in black leaves a strong impression. Probably similar to what others see in me when I'm dressed in my traditional, all-white clothing. Beyond the burqua, what struck me the most was not being able to see her eyes. If I smile at her, will she smile back? If she does, how would I know? I know that none of this matters and I realize this is more about me than it is about her. But I'm almost haunted by the sight of her, standing by the door facing me but not being able to see her eyes; just a dark figure in front of me. She is an unfathomable mystery compounded by humanity's belief in God and our interpretations of how to fully express that belief.
Religious beliefs and practices transcend all cultures and have been with us since the beginning of our history on this Earth. As a deeply spiritual person, note the use of spiritual versus religious even as an initiated priestess, I am very troubled by some religious practices. Without going into my "Ovarian Power" rhetoric, and without placing any judgment on any faith, I just pray with all my heart that humanity wakes up and is able to love and respect one another. I hope we wake up and see all the beauty around us, the miracle that is creation and nature, and the awesome responsibility we have to one another and this planet.
50 minutes later I arrive at my destination and I understand that it's not the burqua that bothers me or the black figure that troubles me. It's the overwhelming urge to know if she chooses to cloak herself in this way or if it's imposed on her as it is with so many other women across the world. Are you free to pursue your destiny? Is everyday a struggle to take steps towards fully living your life? Maybe she's better off shielding herself from all the negativity and destruction present in society and it is we who need to protect ourselves from the evils we impose on one another. Maybe we (meaning her and I) just protect ourselves a little differently.
All that, and I didn't even have my first cup of coffee...never a dull moment on the NYC subways.
4 comments:
Yes, when you told me about this, that was the first thing I thought. Was that her choice?
Man has historically had issues with temperance, and issues with remembering why rules, policies, and even institutions were formed. Societies are good at setting up rules, but not so much at their re-evaluation, which is why reform and revolution are treated with such disdain. The hejab was initially a garment which saved lives and blessed families. Now its extreme manifestations do little but reveal a disdain for our Society, serves as a prison (imposed or self-imposed it does not matter) and is nothing more than a retreat from Fear. My only fear is that these words won't prove hypocritical when I myself have daughters whom I wish to protect. Can my perspective survive the test of the Friday night high school party? We'll only know when I am a proud father (shotgun in hand.. lol)
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